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Saturday, August 13, 2011

Wrecking my Life

Like a hidden shadow,
Life plays a trick on me.
I am genuinely surprised and,
World cares for the darkness of the shadow.

The wreck, my life is turning into
I take all the credit for the achievement
This wreck, carefully planned and thoughtfully executed,
Shall be my claim for the eternal glory.

While I was planning with care,
How best to present the wreck of my life,
Slouching on the corner was this shadow.
Observing like a vulture, patient and hungry.

I was alive, I did not chase the vulture away,
Loyal I thought the shadow was, bearing witness.
To my workmanship.
Wrecking your life isn't easy,
One begins to get lonely, any company...

A feeling like the smoke of Opium burning,
Light in nature, dense in experience began to engulf me.
I became the Master, practicing an art,
The loyal shadow vulture, I imagined were my apprentice.

I was on a colossal mission, Prometheus of my age,
Wrecking the gift of life.
Moments of despair there were many,
Staggering odds, piled against my success,
Kept me going on, the shadow vulture still patient, still hungry.

It was when the patient loyal shadow,
Began to show impatience,
I was first rattled.
The vulture had come very near.
Its sharp strong beak, reflecting in my eye,
No other image more vivid in my memory.

I could feel the claws, sinking
Into my hollow skin.
The moment of conscience is here.
'When did I become hollow'

Engrossed in the work to wreck, did I
Miss the gentleman in a chariot,
Or on a buffalo, my escort.

Holding close to my memory,
I began searching for the shadow,
In the hope that my fight against myself
Was chronicled.
Shadow is not to be seen,
The vulture however seems to be as loyal
As my apprentice.

On enquiry, after the vulture dug its beak into my throat
(I spoke the language of questions)
The reply hardly surprised me.
I was but a footnote in the Grand scheme,
Of a demonstration.
How not to wreck one's own life.

I sensed the applause, which was welling up,
I was unashamedly curious to know,
Who would take the curtain call,
I had a fair right, (Don't you agree) it was my life,
That was exhibited here.

It was then like the loyal hidden shadow,
Life played a trick on me.
I was genuinely surprised and,
World was interested in the darkness of the shadow.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

For the sake of records,

For the sake of records,
I'm silent because, language speaks against me.

It seems the value has been reduced,
Of words and their status,
Also the assumptions are clear,
Involvement is the proof of guilt.
I'm destined to be a predicate,
No complaints the dice has been cast.

Memories were always a problem, particularly now,
Ethics seem to be its new crush.
Brutal have been my dreams,
Outraged, I am. Confused,
If they are ethical or personal.
My dreams i mean.

Muted my protest sounds effeminate and,
I'm tired to lend strength of voice.
My conscience in perpetual friction calls me "The Other"
I am not stingy.
I return the compliment, a retort laced with a smile,
'So are you'
The unsaid words are left to the silence.
Wishing the void never discovers the entry.
And then, Silence springs a surprise,
Voices the word 'Coward.'
Both of us believe its for "the other".

The attempts to mask have never been typical,
Outcome however is typified.
Encroaching space, I laminate my Ego.
Failing to notice, the bruise.
Already suffered.
My ego now shall hold a proof,
For time, for people and spectators.
As always laughter pervades, I'm choked.
I laugh and thus I escape.
Bartering my soul again for freedom, momentary.
The laminated bruise smiles, holding testimony.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

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Claims are here again.
Why are they here, I am unaware.
'No you know, this is your history'
Who speaks now?

Confusion, Calamity and Catastrophe
All words begin with C.
I smile at my logic, smile grows to a grin.
'Grim and Grin are separated by one alphabet'
Who spoke now? Why am I grim?

I am reading theory, I understand theory.
What confuses me? This Voice.
'Which voice the voice that speaks or the one that haunts?'

Why does it haunt me?
I'm an atheist. I am an existentialist.
I'm here and I live here. Not bound anywhere, not going anywhere.
Good Bad Ugly these bring to my memory Sergio Leone.

By not believing in Good, I disqualify Bad to impose its faith.
Yet the voice haunts me.

I am studying Etymology and Genealogy.
The voice grows stronger,
I begin to fail my dreams.
Being scared seems to me a luxury.
The voice now reveals itself.
I am in love with my ignorance, the pain continues.

I seek guidance, I am sheltered.
Now is the moment to be afraid,
Truth is offered on a platter.
I'm not hungry, I am sick, I wish to retch.

The voice takes a pity, decides to leave.
My conscience is going along.
Oh, they left. I'm in a vacuum, I'm told,
Eyes closed, I see a note.

Carefully placed, beautifully written,
One line there is, waiting for me.
'I am The Subaltern, trying to speak through cracks of your soul.
For long I waited to be heard,
When you wouldn't,
I spoke and you were haunted.'